Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
