I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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