A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
