so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
