Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
