I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
