scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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