just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
