No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
