youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
