i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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