As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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