I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My pussy is not your playground.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
