mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
