It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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