Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
