I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just high enough for therapy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
