I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
