At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
