The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
