thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
