how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
