he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
