Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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