I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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