I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
