Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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