u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
