jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
