Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
