she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
