shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
