I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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