If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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