His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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