No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
