Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
