Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
