dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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