Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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