I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
