first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
