HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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