You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
