I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
