I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When are your genitals available?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
