Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
