a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize