hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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