Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
