So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
