sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
