Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
