Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
