see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
