Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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