I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
