If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
