don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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