Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
