plz talk dirty to me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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