my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
