he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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