I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
