too bad you live with your parents still
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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