So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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