Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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