so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
