dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
