so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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