my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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