i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
