I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
