it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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