dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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