OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
