I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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