Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
