Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
