like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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