dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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