Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
